Reid Lee - "Save The Best"
So, I've been asked to talk about the inspiration for the Video for "Save the Best" and I thought this blog might be the easiest format to kind of tell the story.
My inspiration for“Save the Best” came to me as I was struggling through a very difficult emotional time. As I battled through a relationship with someone I loved dearly, I thought to myself, “If this love isn’t it, then where is the person I’m supposed to be with? Because whatever love I have left I want to save for them.”
A lot of my inspiration comes from personal life experience. Many of the songs off the album tell personal stories of what I like to think of as universal themes. Things every person goes through but how each of us feel them so differently. Other inspiration comes from things that have helped shape me, so maybe less autobiographical but certainly close to my core. Sharing music with my grandfather or watching my mother grieve the loss of my father, though I guess that’s just a question of point of view, or perception.
So, “Save the Best”, for me, is about the idea that at this age of my life, I can’t expect anyone that I fall in love with from here on out, to not have had a past. We’ve all been in love and we all have histories. So this song says“Save the rest of that love for me, and I’ll do the same, because I’m still trying to find you and I know you’re out there.” It’s a love song to a person you haven’t met yet. It honors the path we take to get there.
The inspiration for the music video for “Save the Best” started with writing the song and thinking about the journey that we all go through to find the person we’re meant to be with, and what my journey has been like so far. Certainly I’ve been in love before, and I can only hope that it has helped to shape me and prepare me fore the Big Love, when it comes along. But love isn’t always healthy or good for you. As I went down memory lane with clearer eyes (and some therapy), I saw the reoccurring pattern of behavior in not only myself, but my partners as well. Stemming from alcoholism in my family and unfolding later in partners that reflected many of those same isms and symptoms from my childhood. It was an emotional journey for me to see these negative cycles and then learn how to break them.
It was important for me to bring this subject to light because so often LGBTQ abuse is swept under the rug, in so many same sex couples where abuse is prevalent it is rarely spoken about because the victim feels not only the shame of the abuse, but the shame of not being able to defend themselves from someone of their own gender; as if having the same gender should make them able to fight back or stop it. That’s simply not the case, abuse goes so far beyond gender, as any man who has been abused by a woman. The simple statistics are these:
· 44 percent of lesbians and 61 percent of bisexual women experience rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner
· 26 percent of gay men and 37 percent of bisexual men experience rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner
· 22 percent of bisexual women have been raped by an intimate partner,
· 40 percent of gay men and 47 percent of bisexual men have experienced sexual violence other than rape
So yes, in the Video for “Save the Best” I certainly am drawing from personally lived experiences. Abuse can be subtle, it can sneak into your life under the guise of affection, or jealousy, or worry; and once it takes root, it grows quickly and can explode without warning. This video, for me, is about how the nebulous line between affection and aggression is like the wave on the sand, constantly moving; and just how uncomfortable living in that space can be. The shoreline is constant, but just because you’re dry at the moment doesn’t mean you won’t be flooded when the tide comes in. You can wake up one morning and realize that you’ve slowly let yourself drown because the water kept saying “I love you.”
If you, or someone you know, is the victim of domestic abuse please reach out to one of the following resources:
National Sexual Assault Hotline
1-800-656-HOPE (4673) 24/7
The Anti-Violence Project
serving people who are LGBTQ
1-212-714-1124 Bilingual 24/7
GLBT National Help Center
Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project
For Trans+ Survivors of Violence